i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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