i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
