It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
