I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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