oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
