she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
