The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
