Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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