Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
