The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
