i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
there's paper in my vomit.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
