I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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