found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
