Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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