What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
