Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
