ugly people sure do ruin things
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
