the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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