I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think my moral compass just broke
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