and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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