I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
