im drinking this country out of the recession.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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