i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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