so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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