she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
