In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
