we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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