No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
