I murdered the dance floor call the cops
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize