Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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