My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
try to milk me bitch
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