I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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