who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
