we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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