he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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