Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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