i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
