I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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