I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
