I wish i was in the wii world.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
