He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
