I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
