Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
