What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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