just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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