Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
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