You're completely useless in the revolution.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
