she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
