Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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