I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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