In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
