If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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