i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
