you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
