Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
