she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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