Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
