I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
