remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she pinky promised me she was 18
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
