my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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