I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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