I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
