I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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