Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just pee around me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
