did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
