You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
