Swine flu. Run for my life!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
