remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
