Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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